Contagious Acts of Kindness: Servant Leadership at 7 AM

             Cynthia Watson, one of the executive leaders in our Virtual Servant Leadership Learning Community, shared a story of a morning recently when she was feeling very peaceful while in line at Starbucks when a person stepped in front of her. Not wanting to confront the person, she continued to enjoy her state of being at peace with the world.

            When it was her turn to order coffee, the barista told her that her order was already paid. Surprised by this, when Cynthia asked by whom, the barista told her by the person ahead of her.  He confessed that he had broken in line rushing to another appointment and she graciously said nothing. He wanted to thank her by paying for her order.

            She noted how contagious a simple act of kindness can be. This is another trait of service through personal genius. Hospitality, creativity, being at peace with the world, making space for others and affirming them and their needs are all opportunities to make a difference.

*FYI – Liberty Mutual runs the series of commercials where people help out one another.  Most of the commercials show someone observing people helping each other and then the observer helps someone else.  It is interesting because it isn’t a direct chain and emphasizes that one never knows where the ripples of one’s actions (positive or negative) will go.  So what will you choose to do today to plant the seed of compassion, empathy and nurturing the best in those around you.  This certainly seems to validate the quote from Mahatma Gandhi, “We must be the change we want to see in the world.”

Sustaining Voice from Maui on a Long, Lonely Drive through a Snow Storm

Yesterday in our Virtual Servant Leadership Learning Community (VSLLC) call we were focusing on discovering and growing personal genius. There were two stories that caught my attention.

John Lochner told of being in Maui in December, enjoying time with his wife, when he got a call that a very special close friend had died unexpectedly. Then he learned that the friend’s son was driving four hours through a snow storm to get back to support his mother and help with funeral arrangements. What a long, lonely drive!

So John called the son and was with him by phone for most of the trip. When the son was approaching his home he said to John, “You have been a special friend in my father’s life. I’ve heard him speak of you many times. Would you now be my friend?”

What a gift for John to be invited to extend the special relationship he had enjoyed with his friend by now growing close to his friend’s son. Most of us can remember a time especially around a death when we feel so helpless. We want to support yet can’t find the words and are just not sure what to do or how to express our deep feelings of sadness and loss. What touched me so deeply about this story was the creative way John reached out to “be there” for the son. By checking in by phone several times on this long and lonely trip, John was able to connect at a deep level with a young man facing a major life transition. And I know John to be an extraordinary friend and servant leader.

Our work on this call was to explore our personal genius at a deeper level. Just what are those special gifts and what do they ask of us? As each person told their story the rest of us could see so clearly not only the gifts in the story but how they exemplified so much about the story teller. Often the story teller would say something like, “but it was only what any caring person would do.” Our special gifts may seem ordinary to us but when they emerge we experience something extraordinary. Having the courage to live into this special gift is how we can each give back to others.

NOTE: John Lochner is a successful entrepreneur who now is creatively putting together a cluster of businesses which will have in common a culture of servant leadership. His goal is to bring together a learning community of businesses so they can thrive on not only the vigor of internal trust generated by servant leadership (growing, inspiring and appreciating Employees so they can own and grow the business), but also create a synergistic community with leaders supporting leaders.

Lessons Learned from My Frequent Practice of Plus/Delta (Part 2)

At the end of all my coaching calls and personal interviews I make it a practice to invite feedback. As I’ve already noted in the previous blog, this practice is most valuable and how I keep growing as a professional...Here are some of the amazing things I have learned that I would have walked right past without this consistent feedback coming from many very different gifted professional leaders.

1. The single most frequent feedback I receive when I request candid feedback on my coaching is that others benefit from the way I listen with both my heart and my mind. (deep, respectful listening) Since 1990 I have been practicing what is called Active Listening. This means to rephrase what you hear mirroring back both fact and feelings to see how accurately you understand the person’s true meaning. So often I am told that I am articulating the speaker’s meaning better than they were able and this has helped them to hear themselves. And other times I learn that I am missing their point and they take another crack at communicating their message.

2. The second most named benefit is to be a safe listener. “Providing a safe place to sort through my feelings and concerns without advice or judgment is very important and helpful.” I have learned never to offer advice. It is far more valuable to learn to ask open ended questions so the person can discover their own answers. I may suggest options but always in the spirit of reminding the person that they will know what is best and to listen first to their intuition. If your intuition responds confidently, then consider the idea. If one’s intuition balks, honor intuition and don’t pursue the idea.

3. The third is helping a person hear, honor and trust their own inner voice and intuition. I can typically help the person hear their own wisdom and sense of which direction to go or not go. If I can help them learn to trust and listen to their own inner wisdom, it will always be there for them and only grow stronger. If I play expert, I encourage dependence on the expert and cripple the person I am seeking to support.

4. The fourth has helped me recognize my gifts as a vulnerable story teller. I often share a personal story, not as an answer but rather as a way of encouraging permission to recognize and forgive the kinds of flaws we all have. To forgive ourselves and others and see mistakes and tragedy as a teacher and opportunity. I seem to do this best by revealing the many really painful, often tragic dimensions of my own life. At this point I realize that every loss has been a valuable teacher and gift in ways I couldn’t discover without first letting go of my anger and victim response. But once I did, I began to see that every loss prepared me for something greater.

There was a time when I was a bit anxious as I waited, fearful of what I might hear. Now I eagerly anticipate whatever is offered. There is no way it can’t be a gift. Worst case scenario I hear that I did badly and have lost trust with my Client. But wouldn’t I rather know this early when I can ask clarifying questions and apologize? I can remember at least one occasion when asking for feedback saved the relationship. I hadn’t realized the poor timing of the call and a heart breaking tragedy that had just been experienced. By asking, I learned that the unthinkable had happened. And I could not only be a safe, empathetic listener but this reaching out on my part earned the trust of a friend and Client for life!

PLUS/DELTA Feedback: A Breakthrough Tool for Personal Growth as a Leader (part 1)

One of the most interesting parts of my work is having the pleasure of doing a great deal of phone coaching and many years ago I began to set aside the last five minutes of a call to invite feedback for me. At the end of the hour I would ask, “I want to keep growing and improving the ways I support you and your growth. Can you help me understand what added value to this time together?” (PLUS) and “Where and how can I improve as a coach?” (DELTA) This has become a very valuable skill to encourage two-way learning. What I hear in that five minutes has transformed how I listen and coach.

By asking this question several times a day and to hundreds of people, I have discovered many benefits.
1. Trends appear that I cannot deny.
2. I’ve learned to tailor my style to each individual.
3. The person being mentored begins to take more ownership for change and begins to be more directive in other parts of the call.
4. I model Robert K. Greenleaf’s insight, that a true servant leader looks inside to bring change rather than outside to change others. And as we work on changing ourselves, our attitudes and short comings, others, through inspiration, begin to choose to change themselves.

The hardest PLUS/DELTA has been with my family. Yet not one piece of feedback has failed to be a special opportunity for growth and transformation. It does take courage and a good sense of humor! One of my funniest moments was when I asked my then 13 year-old step daughter what I could do to make her feel a sense of joy when she opened the front door at the end of a school day. ( A bit of background might help. Her mother had died unexpectedly 16 months previous and we both were struggling to create a trusting relationship.) Without missing a beat she responded, “Drop dead!” Well, that was a bit more than I was prepared for, so I asked for something easier for starters She then offered, “Don’t speak to me until dinner time.” That was even harder. I wouldn’t be able to say, Have you done your homework? Don’t drop your school books there. You need to practice the piano before dinner….all those important messages teenagers love to hear! But I gave it my best shot. After four weeks of not meeting the goal well (I had only managed 3 evenings with the results she sought-! And then, only because I had gone outside to garden or literally gone somewhere in the car) still, she was willing to celebrate with me. We announced my achievement at dinner with a special dessert to make the milestone.

To my amazement, as we were loading the dishwasher after dinner, she asked me what she might do to make my afternoons more pleasant. “I’m sure you aren’t too thrilled to see me after school. What can I do to make you glad I’m home?”

I said something like, “Oh no, I’m always glad to see you.” (Which wasn’t nearly as truthful as she had been.) But then I continued, “You and your father have an agreement that you will practice the piano each afternoon or else you have to pay for your piano lesson.” (And I was the observer to report whether she had or hadn’t honored her promise, not a good way to do it I’ll admit.) “What would make me the happiest would be for you to practice the piano sometime before dinner each evening so I could enjoy your music and share a positive report with your father.”

To my amazement she went right to the piano and practiced…and never missed an evening after that. I learned great humility and the power of changing myself first and only myself. Then others choose to change by inspiration and of their own free will as they are ready.

A Radical & Creative Shift: Transforming “Work” into Calling!

I was recently inspired by a story from an incredibly gifted member of our Virtual Servant Leadership Learning Community sharing her journey as she learns to create a life with abundant, vital energy as a norm. Midge Miles is teaching from our book, You Don’t Have To Go Home From Work Exhausted, and challenging herself to be a positive role model of what she is teaching. She is also daring to live calling by moving from the corporate leadership position she has held for decades to create her own business, www.thestoriedorganization. She entered our Virtual Servant Leadership Learning Community, with full support and funding from her corporate organization while making the transition - because she is so valued as a leader in the Fond du Lac community. Her story brought up these recent reflections for me.


Several years ago I decided that I would no longer work. If it was work, I wouldn't do it. As I "woke up" and emancipated myself from my oppressive self talk, it was astounding what happened. If the kitchen was a mess and I thought of it as work, I would turn away. And then I would think to myself, "but I love a clean, orderly kitchen." "Then perhaps you would enjoy bringing order to your kitchen" I would think quietly. And this was true. As I returned to clean my kitchen, I began to discover work as meditation, work as joy, work as purpose, work as bringing gifts into my life and the lives of others.
Day by day I would rethink my choices. And simply by reframing how I saw my life and each choice within it, everything began to change. Chores I used to dread I now scheduled in such a creative way that I could enjoy and take meaning from each one. Burying my vegetable cuttings gave me a few moments in the compost pile to feed the worms and give thanks for nature. When I would shop for groceries I would remind myself of the abundance in my life and how many people were starving with no resources where I had many. And if I had let reports and responding to emails stack up (and feeling like a “have to”) I would remind myself that I always have a choice. I can check out permanently and paint, garden or read. But wait! I thrive on my work and all I learn from those I serve. I would starve without the challenges we face together! This realization brings fresh commitment, energy and focus to any and all “chores” that are just part of delivering extraordinary support & performance to our Partners and Clients. I may well need a refreshing time out or joy break. But bottom line, it becomes crystal clear to me that the choice to do each part of my work to the very best of my ability is a huge privilege and honor!

This morning I woke up with an exhilarated feeling of "getting" to do so many interesting, challenging and meaningful things supported by a great team of Partners and Clients. My life is overflowing with joy and possibility. And when I hit the wall (as I do) I think of it as an opportunity to reflect and learn. Did I stay in one mode too long? Did I jump into a rescue rather than honoring a person to own their own challenges? Did I internalize problems instead of framing them as opportunities and being curious about what they could teach me? Did I tell myself I had too much to do to take time to renew? Simply by reframing the stories and assumptions I tell myself in my self-talk, my energy has made an astounding shift.

I must add that I am committed to wellness and walk three times a week, practice yoga 90 minutes most days, enjoy a vegan diet, meditate, make time for prayer and visioning, plan several joy breaks into each day, evening and weekend and stay aware of my energy so I can "recover" early should I be lagging. Robert Greenleaf was a great proponent of making sure we take time to step back so we can hear our deepest wisdom and inner voice.

This has been such a healing journey for me. I discovered that I was addicted to crisis and the adrenaline that creates. I would procrastinate and rationalize until I had a last minute crunch that would cause me to spring into action. What I learned was that I was in a state of lingering burnout and only felt alive when I had a fire to fight or crisis to deal with. In essence, I learned that I was an arsonist without realizing it. I created last minute challenges because it gave me a sense of purpose I had not yet discovered by planning well ahead and pacing myself. Learning to plan, step back, ask for help, harvest mistakes, invest in fun and high trust relationships...all this is like building blocks that began to create an amazing self- actualized life. From the outside one might say that I am working long hours. What they don't know is that I am enjoying my life in ways I never thought possible. And the "work" I am doing is pure joy, a pleasure and such an honor. I get to learn and share and grow with incredible people of all ages. As we change the ways we think about our lives, our hearts, our personal history and energy shift. When Gandhi said, "We must be the change we want to see in the world" and Greenleaf said that all meaningful change begins within, I believe they were both pointing to the act of becoming grounded in faith, hope and love. From this quiet, yet powerful and high potential energy all things are possible. [Further insight into this mind shift can be found in our book, You Don’t Have to Go Home From Work Exhausted by Ann McGee-Cooper & Duane Trammell]

Culture Committee at Southwest Airlines, March, 2010

COUNT ON ME to OWN IT! is the theme for 2010 as Southwest Employees are pumped and ready to “kick tail” to stay out in front in their industry. Gary Kelly, CEO, challenged all of us in his recent Message to the Field to each bring our best self to this year as it promises to be yet another really challenging year to stay profitable with rising fuel prices.
Wednesday, Carol Haddock and I enjoyed the first of four all-day meetings with the SWA Culture Committee. This begins the 20th year we have had the honor of participating and experiencing tremendous change. For example, as a direct result of an Employee Survey two years ago, Colleen Barrett added a team of Culture Ambassadors, one for each major work group, to work full-time in support of their local culture. In all there are eight Ambassadors and they also help plan the Culture Committee Meetings.
One of the creative things they did last year was to design a Culture Passport for each of us. We get it stamped whenever we participate in a service/celebration event, such as the SWA/Ronald McDonald Dallas LUV Classic Golf Tournament to raise money for this charity, Message to the Field, appreciation events with a meal for the Maintenance Teams, packing over 3,000 goody bags to give out to the flight crew who work over Thanksgiving and Christmas holidays, etc.
They come up with a fun theme for each meeting and the 120 members are seated at tables so we meet new friends at each of the four meetings. This meeting was all about sports so there was football, baseball, volleyball, etc. We were asked to come in sports attire with T-shirts for our favorite sports team. We had members in tennis outfits and hockey gear and lots of funny stuff. One woman brought her kayaking paddle and gear. Carol came home with an official Green Bay Packer’s Cheese Head hat!
There is always a report from Kevin Krone, VP, Marketing, Sales and Distribution, and we get to see the new commercials. What is so cool is the Culture Committee is educated at each session about the complexity of the airlines business and why it is increasingly difficult to make a profit. What has always been so fascinating is that their motto and guiding principal is to “do the right thing”. So, for example, with Bags Fly Free, they are foregoing a lot of potential profit but not hassling their Customers with extra fees. And Customers obviously appreciate this. A significant number continue to switch to Southwest Airlines after experiencing being quoted a ticket price only to discover that there is an extra $120 round trip for baggage fees!
I sat at a table with two new “rookie” members of the tea, Kelly Tidwell & Tisha Hirsch, who had both worked at other airlines prior to Southwest. They both were so enthusiastic about getting to work at Southwest. One thing they both shared was the importance of Employees “self policing” to keep the culture strong. Both are flight attendants and they said they learned early that if someone on their crew was grumpy or not stepping up with a great Southwest Spirit, they would tactfully remind them that every Customer and every contact counts tremendously. If we want to keep our jobs secure we’ve got to come through with spectacular Customer Service! And that means a big smile and searching for creative ways to make every Customer glad they chose to fly SWA.
When you have this level of ownership from a majority of Employees who “get it”, you have something really special. And we can tell you that Southwest works very hard to make sure complacency doesn’t creep in.
At the end of the day we had seen several fun videos (some made on his own time by a very gifted volunteer, Bob Hurst!) We had lots of fun. Worked hard together on ideas for new, fun events for 2010. We made many new friends. And signed up to pitch in and help out with dozens of great celebrations and service events that will happen coast to coast! By keeping work fun and keeping Employees feeling appreciated and in on things, they keep the morale high for every Employee. Carol and I left really inspired and energized by the amazing spirit that keeps Southwest at the top of their industry!
Ann McGee-Cooper & Carol Haddock
P.S. If you haven’t already found it, go to www.southwest.com for more great stories about Southwest Spirit!


(This terrific video was produced by Bob Hurst, award-winning videographer for Southwest Airlines Culture Committee!)

Outliers: The Story of Success filled with insights for Servant Leadership

All of us want to succeed, want our children to succeed and enjoy being a part of the greatest possible successes…winning the Super Bowl, working at one of the Best Places to Work in America, winning a Nobel Pulitzer Prize or a gold medal in the Olympics. We are thrilled to be the best, individually and collectively. So are there ways to increase the odds for extraordinary success so that anyone can enjoy the nourishing joy of achieving bold dreams? Malcomb Gladwell, author of Outliers: The Story of Success makes a compelling case for this encouraging possibility.
In stories that will fascinate all 4 quadrants of the brain he makes a strong case for :
- why winners are typically nurtured by an extended community (the importance of building that sense of team, family, support and belonging which strengthens the immune system as well as mental and intellectual health/social I.Q.)
- the tremendous advantage of persistence and the magic of investing 10,000 hours to unleash genius.
- how problems become opportunities for those who persist and dream bold dreams
- how our ancestral back ground play a far bigger role than we may have ever thought
- the link between rice paddies and high aptitude in math, and
- some blocking assumptions in American education that will startle you.

I read all this with a keen interest, keeping in mind our work teaching Servant Leadership and growing organizations (communities) that learn. Again and again his research confirmed the work we have been doing on nurturing genius in individuals and teams. We all are given gifts of unique genius. The question is not do we possess genius but rather, will we choose to own and apply it?
The role of mentoring clearly brings keen advantages to both mentor and mentee. The act of consistently thinking on behalf of another and finding ways to communicate feedback and coaching transform the breadths and depths of daily experience.
One of the most fascinating insights is the 3 qualities of meaningful work:
• Autonomy
• Complexity
• Connection between effort and reward.
Effective servant Leaders work hard to imbed these qualities in the ways work is assigned to those they supervise.
In a chapter on the ethnic theory of plane crashes, Gladwell describes how low or high power distance impacts effective communications. When we are taught to defer to superiors and obey rather than to challenge their orders, we limit the collective intelligence with serious consequences. One example of this comes in the case of airline pilots. You can quickly realize how automatic deference to authority and being rewarded for NOT challenging decisions or assumptions extends to any supervisor/ subordinate relationship and the probability of their successful teaming.
What I found most fascinating was the consistent role of “hard work” and “long hours” as a quality of success. Yet consistently, along with this mantra of long hours was personal passion or purpose. Bold dreams fuel our lives with purpose. And whether you are loading baggage for Southwest Airlines (working to achieve unsurpassed Customer Service with zero lost or damage luggage), answering emergency 911 dispatch calls for Carrollton Police Department (in the spirit of being the first voice to help a person facing a critical crisis be immediately supported by the right service) or monitoring the control room of a nuclear power plant (in the spirit of providing safe, reliable, affordable power for families and businesses to thrive), having a purpose larger than a paycheck or personal survival is key.
I’ve always been fascinated by the quote attributed to Henry Ford, “Whether you believe you can or you can’t, you are right!” Outliers provides refreshing new insights into ways we can expand our successes and claim bold dreams for ourselves, our work places, our community and our world.